I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
Which sister was it? The one I accidentally hit when my shoe flew off or the one I ate candy off of when we were high?
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Randomize