Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
She said she didn't know what fireball was. We are no longer friends.
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
