The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
Randomize
