Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
