I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
I mean if you can't appreciate a good looking dick then just get out.
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
