i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
Can you bring me the toilet please
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
If I woke up in a pillar of smoke I suppose that's a sign right
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
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