It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Is it weird that the best sex I've ever had was to Barbara Streisand's Christmas album?
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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