someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Randomize