STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
