So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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