the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
just won 200$ from the school for "liking" the anti-alcohol seminar. putting it to good use
how?
not even kidding, my fake id is arriving in 6-8 business days
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
