Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
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