i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
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