why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
