Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
He was dressed as the 420 Easter bunny...he looked like a walking anti-drug campaign.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
