so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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