I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Why can't I live in a world where my only 2 options are rum bikini hot tub party or masturbating?
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
