So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
Nobody is here, I still yelled for someone to make me some toast. That my dear is commitment to doing nothing.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize
