im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Randomize
