so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
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