she was mega hot - except for the poop under her fingernails
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
I'm really busy with my period
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