is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
