i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
come over we're fb stalking guys who were dressed as bananas last night because i can't remember which one i blew
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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