Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
