it's too hot outside to masturbate.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
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