we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
My pussy is not your playground.
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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