i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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