I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Seriously? He's going to use MY birthday sex as the opportunity to ask if he can pee on me?!? I let him, but wow talk about selfish.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
