I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
Sober January is a disaster.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
I give him a gold star every time I orgasm. His room looks like he's freaking King Midas.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize