yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
my mouth tastes like poor choices
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Randomize
