clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Are we still banned from the library?
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Like you know your sex life is in a downward spiral when your best friend offers to sext you from Ireland
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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