what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
