I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I bet the guy on the treadmill next to me with the noise-canceling headphones wishes he could trade them for smell-canceling noseplugs. Hard to believe that last one did not involve any pants-shitting on my part.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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