I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
I could tell by the way he was holding my hand that he really liked you
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
Taking advantage of alcohol's depressant capabilities to curtail my fever. SCIENCE!
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
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