If I die tonight, wear a V neck to my funeral.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
