Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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