So, I woke up to an empty bottle of scotch and a dead car. The last thing I remember are the strippers being mad at me. Awesome night.
Feels good to be wearing underwear again though...
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
