So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I want to be your penis for a week.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Randomize
