just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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