I had a dream you and I were having sex. It was pretty romantic.... until you started pulling out toys.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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