Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I am "lost the control of my head" high right now.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Nobody feels the need to text me back. Men. And I sent myself a message saying nakedness. I'm all the man I need.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
Randomize
