Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
