man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
i just opened the overnight bag i packed at 2am last night. Apparently all i thought id need was a handful of quarters, mascara and one sock
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Im just confused who has their mom break up with someone
With great boredom comes great irresponsibility.
Please tell me you're not on their roof again..
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
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