You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
then for some reason i googled "how much to buy a cannon"
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
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