Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
We were all having a bath, the three of us, then that drug dealer guy walked in and peed. Sitting down. Apparently he didn't want to offend us.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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