Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize