So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
you going clubbing tonight?
well its tuesday isnt it
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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