those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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