fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
searching my car for your cum before I have to give my grandma a ride to the airport. Thanks for this
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Randomize
