Did he leave or is he still there?
He left right away, I might have passed out. I saw your text and was like who left where? Then the oh shit feeling sunk in, hangover starting now.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I came home ate all of my roomates poptarts and then vommited on her duvet cover. I don't think today is the day to suggest the whole "sex instead of rent money" idea
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Randomize
