Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
Looks like a took a video of myself beating off and passed out last night. I'm classy.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize