I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
