no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Found crayons in my cigarette pack. I can't help but feel you may be responcible.
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Randomize
