10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
