Oh my god. I just envisioned myself eating panda meat. I need to get out of this class.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I think a kid would responsible me up
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
