Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
Randomize
