I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
can u get pink eye on your cock?
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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