Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
