then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
