he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
I'm crying at a bar by myself drinking a pear martini drawing things dicks are scared of. How was your day?
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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