Soap is not a condiment
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Truth be told it's significantly easier to get over someone when they file a police report on you
Seriously where are the good guys?
The friend zone.
One of these days I would like to go out drinking and stick to plan of just getting drunk and not be sidetracked with other people's plans of doing drugs along the way. I didn't even want to not feel my teeth tonight but here we go just another Thursday night when you live I live
Randomize
