I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Randomize
