Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
hey, haven't seen your testicles in a while...you 3 still alive?
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
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