Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Do you think you have hit the lowest point in your life when you find yourself actually condisering watching the movie "Gigli"?
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize