Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
My life just got so pathetic that I volunteered to work a double on my day off because its saturday and I have nothing else planned
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