My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
We were pulling the glow sticks off of him and he just kept yelling, "my bones! You're taking my bones!" and asking me if I was on the crew team
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
