um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
soooo we both peed the bed last night...
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
My tweets this weekend consisted of me telling every bar I went to that they were my favorite valentine. I've never felt like more of an alcoholic
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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