if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
So vagazzling was a success
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
