we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize