Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
Randomize
