You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
i wanna have a kid now so by the time he's 20 ill only be 42 and assuming im already divorced we can pick up girls together
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He wants to call Lloyd's of London and have my mouth insured.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Randomize
