evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
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