there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Randomize
