Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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