Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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