I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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