Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
Randomize
