Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
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