Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
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