What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
Those nachos came to me in a dream
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
