This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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