I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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