He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel that my cleavage set an unattainably high bar for 2013.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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