I wish i was in the wii world.
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
last night I mixed vodka in with my protein shake... and you tell me my new years resolution was impossible
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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