HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
at least the cop wrote "happy birthday" on the ticket.
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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