i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
Randomize
