And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize
