there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
