she was so not down for the gang bang
I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i feel like pocahontas...the disney character not from real chance of love
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
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