You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
NO MAKING MOLDS OF ANYONES GENITALS
Fine. Suck all the fun out of life.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
