i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I just gargled with NyQuil
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
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