Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
I'm gonna fight the coyote
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
