i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
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