Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
Randomize
