so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
