I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
His dick isn't even good enough to be this much of an asshole
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Randomize
