the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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