i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
New drinking game. Every time Romney and Santorum switch leads, take a shot.
....this is what your political science major is getting you?
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
Just passed a girl holding a jar filled with what appeared to be diarrhea
Randomize
