sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
