the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
...She then said get into the spirit and started making firecracker noises while having sex
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
