you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
It wasn't a wasted relationship. I got road-head in an Escalade. I still keep that with me.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
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